I haven't had blood drawn in a few months. I forgot to do it for my last appointment, and then the nurse practitioner I'd been working with left my doctor's office, so my appointment for June was pushed back to next week, so I guess we'll see what a few months of not checking has done. I'm sure that the retina specialist I saw a couple months ago has sent the letter detailing everything he saw in my eyes has arrived, so undoubtedly that will come up.
I don't know, even though I've been a patient of this particular doctor for several years I've only seen him once or twice, so this feels a lot like going to a new doctor. And I don't particularly care for that because Tom, the NP that was, knew me. He knew what my treatment had been, the issues I've had with the insurance, the emotional stresses in my life- he understood where I was coming from. Now I feel like I have to start over and it's not sitting well.
Add that to the stresses I do have going on right now, and I don't feel particularly on track with the diabetes care. For one thing, this has pretty much been how things are going right now.
I've been trying to exercise more, and I've managed to get in three workout type activities a week here for a couple weeks. I'm certainly not on a schedule or training plan, which is what I should be doing, but at least I'm not just sitting around watching Star Wars for the seven hundredth time. I'm watching Property Brothers instead.
Fact is, I'm not exercising because I'm just tired. I'm tired of putting a smile on my face when I don't feel like smiling, I'm tired of things not going my way, and I'm tired of always feeling so damn down all the time. Am I depressed? Maybe a little, but mostly I just feel tried right now. I've got a list of things to do at home and at work that are each a mile long, and I feel like I'm always behind the 8 ball. (Is that the right expression? I don't play much billiards so I may be completely off on that.) I'm happy enough- I've got a relatively clean house thanks to a helpful husband, I'm in a good place in my career, and I've been writing a little again, which always makes me feel good.
I just need a nap. But I don't see one in my future until retirement, at least.
Apparently, I'm not alone.
