We see you.
We see you struggle to act like everything is okay when deep inside you're worried about whether we took our meds on time, or at all. You cook, and clean, and regulate kids and pets, and fix computers and pay bills and run the house as well as hold down a full time job so we are sure to have enough insurance to pay for those meds we sometimes forget to take. You encourage us when you feel like the world is on your shoulders and you just want to get out from under it. You smile when you want to cry because you know it makes it easier for us.
We see you fight against resentment that you have to do everything, and anger that we're in this situation, and we see you drown in frustration only to shake it off and give out hugs and make sure lunch is packed. We see you roll your eyes when we snap at you for trying to make us take care of ourselves. We see that you're scared because you don't know how long you can keep doing this and you know you may have to do it forever because this stupid disease isn't going anywhere anytime soon.
We see you deal with guilt because sometimes you do feel resentful, particularly when we're being obstinate. We see you deal with self-doubt. You wonder if you're doing enough. You want to ask for help but don't know how, or who to ask. We aren't getting better and you take that personally, as if it's something you have control over even though you know you don't.
We see you feel alone. You're taking care of us, and we don't feel well enough to go out the way we'd like. When you do go out with friends and leave us at home we know you're wondering if we're okay. Did we remember to check our blood sugar? Take our heart medication? Or worse, did we accidentally take those two meds together that we're not supposed to and now we've passed out on the kitchen floor? Maybe it's better to stay in after all.
We see it, and we don't say thank you enough, so thank you. Thank you for being the one we lean on when our disease gets the upper hand. Thank you for staying with us even when we're difficult and take our own fear and frustration out on you. Thank you for taking care of us when you could leave. Thank you for not putting yourself first instead- which you should do sometimes.
We love you. We appreciate you. And we wouldn't be here without you.
November is National Diabetes Awareness Month, but it's also National Family Caregivers Month, and while that seems to indicate caring for the elderly I call BS. My husband takes care of me, and he worries about all of those things because of my diabetes. If my sensor isn't working right at night he's worried I won't wake up. He worries about my A1C. He gets me juice when I snap at him because chances are my blood sugar is 52. And I appreciate him for doing it, and I know it isn't easy.
So here's to the people who take care of us, whether we are elderly and need a hand, or have some chronic disease that needs to be monitored, or we have something else that means we need the extra support. You're our heroes.
