Of pumps and puppies

 I spent the weekend yo-yo-ing like Tommy Smothers.

#smothersbrothers #yoyo

My blood sugar was up, and then down, and then up, and then waaaay down, and then up, back waaay down, and then up, up, up and then I don't know what even happened. I woke up this morning with my pump telling me it was out of insulin and my blood sugar was 79.

Then I got to work and all of a sudden I was getting "Change Sensor" alerts because apparently the blasted thing wasn't working properly. I spent most of the weekend not giving insulin, giving too much insulin, finger sticking to check and see where my blood sugar was (and it wasn't as off as I would have expected), only to find out today that the sensor was whack and I wasn't going crazy.

I was in tears this morning because I had no idea what the hell was going on with my body.  I have an appointment with my endocrinologist's office later this week, and was ready to go in and say, WTF is WRONG with me? If it weren't for the fact that we'd added a puppy to our family this weekend as well, I would have been even more upset. As it was, she kept me pretty occupied.

She's itty bitty... for now

It's hard to describe how helpless you feel when you have a disease, which you've had for literally decades, and all of a sudden it's going off the rails and you have no control and you honestly don't know what the heck is going on. Frankly, it's scary. I had to call in sick last week because of it, which is something I am loathe to do. And the lows are just terrifying to me. Yes, I feel bloody awful when my blood sugar hits 450, but when it's 50 I not only don't feel well, there's a very good chance that I may not feel anything ever again if I don't get it under control.  Lows mean panic, and panic when you are already unable to make decisions and trying to navigate through a mental fog just leads to more panic, which means I am unsure if I am shaking because of a low blood sugar or if I think I'm gonna pass out and end up in the hospital.

Not being able to trust the sensor, which I admit I rely on way too much, is just another worry that I have to add to my list of things to worry about. As my therapist frequently points out, I have a lot of things on my plate, and dealing with the diabetes is one thing which I shouldn't neglect. Unfortunately, I do neglect it. So maybe it's mad at me. I don't know. 

Anyway, puppies!