Parenthood

So...I'm a mom. A foster mom. And I've been a mom for less than a week.

What the hell am I doing???

Don't get me wrong- Baby is adorable. And he's a good baby- rarely cries, is happy a lot. And so far I think I'm handing the feeding-diapering- being spit up on thing okay. But the honest truth is that I'm not sure I have the wherewithal to do this for the rest of my life at this rate. I'm completely overextended. And I know, I know, everyone is telling me it's rewarding and I'll get used to it and everyone feels overwhelmed at first...but I don't think that's really my issue.

Bandit has been getting sicker the past few weeks- lots of whining, trouble walking, and on even more meds than me. My husband has had a migraine since the day Baby came into our lives and even though he's the rock I'm leaning against he feels like he's not doing enough. Shiva and Rosabel are both visibly needier and have changed some of their behaviors. I've missed almost a week of work and we've been trying to get daycare and pediatrician visits and birth parent visits scheduled in a week. And if I've eaten 1000 calories a day since last Monday I'll be surprised. And maybe it's that way for everyone when a new baby comes into their life.

But I'm a diabetic, and right now I'm last on the care scale. Baby, husband, dogs, work, me. And I know I'm not going to be able to keep this up because I'm tired, and my blood sugars have been low, and I'm losing weight (yay!) but in a bad way (boo!) I honestly don't know what I'd do without my husband and my mom. Single mothers? You're ranked above the police and fire fighters in my hero book right now.

Aaaand, Baby has been awake for this whole thing, but has been really good while I've been freaking out about the dog (who is going to the vet) and sitting here looking like a snotty, sobby mess. So it's time to go and probably change him, probably feed him, and maybe we'll read a book. Star Wars ABC is around here someplace.

Getting back on the wagon....yee haw

I had to reinstate all of my auto-reorders for pump supplies because Medtronic cancelled them without notice, probably because I had an enormous bill I was trying to figure out with my insurance. At least, this is what I am assuming, because why else would I not have gotten blood testing strips or pump supplies since MARCH?

I know what you're thinking. "Didn't you notice you weren't getting pump supplies for over six months?" Yes, I did, but I thought that once the overpriced bill I had was taken care of that Medtronic would reinstate my services, because after all they are in the business of keeping people alive. Dead people don't buy medical supplies.

Yeah, yeah.

I am a smart cookie, at least, and I stock up on supplies for everything- extra insulin, extra blood testing strips, extra pump supplies- so it hasn't been an issue that I haven't gotten supplies for months, but the lack of communication on this from Medtronic disgusts me. I'm going to try and let it go, though, because harboring anger at a corporation only hurts me, as it is clear Medtronic has no human feelings or consideration at all for my well being. We shall see if the items I placed on "auto order" automatically order or not. I'm not holding my breath.

I also haven't been using my sensor for a couple days, mostly because I've burned through two of them in the last week and they are too expensive for me to have a surplus. I can barely get them paid for as it is, so stocking up is unlikely, especially considering Medtronic claims they last six days and the insurance will only pay for a certain number of them over a certain period of time based on that erroneous claim. Of the five sensors in a $450 box, three will last six days, the other two may make it three or four, and often at least one of those goes belly up after just one. If the sensor bends the wrong way when I insert it there isn't much I can do to make it work correctly, so I make do. Being a diabetic is expensive.

100 flimsy stickers to go over my sensor...$65.49 Wha?

I need to be exercising and eating better, and I'm finding that eating better is a lot easier than exercising. I like fruit, and I like veggies, and I don't mind packing my TARDIS lunch box full of them. The hard part is the exercise, and it always has been with me. I'm not athletically inclined. In fact, I trip over my own feet. Often. Daily. At the most inappropriate times, too. I don't trip on stairs, I trip on flat surfaces. I turn my ankle turning corners. I am a klutz.

However...with the weather being nicer and us maybe becoming foster parents in the near future, I'm thinking I should at least try to be a little more active. I think my problem is I try to make 30 minutes of exercise a day a habit right from the start. I'm sorry, but I'm lazy. I admit it. And while 30 minutes of exercise a day is what I will ideally be doing this time next year, I need to start off smaller. Like, maybe ten minutes on the exercise bike while watching Rewrapped or Match Game. Or maybe just getting in ten sit-ups and some crunches. Or something. Anything. Just not 30 minutes of hard core exercise right off the bat.

Now...I cleaned house this morning and broke a sweat doing it, so I'm counting that as ten minutes of exercise (even though I spent at least 40 minutes starting laundry, doing dishes, and making sure the kitchen and bathroom were clean). Bonus is that the house looks great, too.