Back on the wagon...again

Why can't I just stay on this damn thing? Getting back on it is hard.

I got a Garmin step thingy for Christmas, and I used it pretty regularly for a while. I stopped using it over the summer for two reasons. First, I tended to hit about 6500 steps a day  regardless of what day it was or what I was doing and I didn't need a reminder that I wasn't making that 10K goal and second, it's hot in the summer and wearing a plastic wristband is uncomfortable enough without adding summer sweat and a wrist band tan to that.

But it's "fall" now (pumpkin everything means fall even if it's still 95 degrees outside), and I do need to get my A1c down, so I strapped it back on and connected it to My Fitness Pal, and as of today I am trying to get back on the fitness wagon. Counting steps, counting calories, counting the days until my designated cheater day...

Why???

I don't want to be overweight. I'd like to not go blind. I would appreciate having the energy to chase an 18 month old around and not have to stop and take a breath or a break all the time. I'd really like to feel good and feel good about myself.

That's really the deeper reason. I've been kind of depressed lately. My pants feel too tight, and not in a  good way. I have no control over the whiny diabetic dog, or the in-pain husband, or the foster situation. I have a little more control over things at work, but even there I'm bound by rules and a boss and an administration that's still in the middle of constructing our strategic plan. The one thing I do have control over is myself, and lately I've let myself get out of control.

Time to stop that crap.

I miss carbs. Do breaded vegetables count?

I'm starting off small...fifteen minutes of stationary bike riding three times a week is small. Trying to make sure I hit 7K steps a day is small. Trying to stay close to my allotted caloric intake and not hating myself for going over it is not as small, but still smaller than expecting perfection right out the gate. I'm on day one of this and so far I've done well. Maybe I'll let next Sunday be my cheater day. We shall see how well I do this week... and this week I'm off several days for varied reasons so it will not be a regular week against which to measure things, which is good, because it's days when I'm home that I'm less likely to get off my butt and more likely to be doing things like this

At least my right index finer is getting exercise.

The thing is, now I've got to be watching my blood sugars more than ever because one fifteen minute stint on the bike will give me a day of lows. Could I alter my basal rates to compensate? Sure, if I had a habit of exercising going. But I don't yet- YET- so I don't want to go in and make adjustments until I'm at a level where I know I'll need them all the time. Which means I'll need to constantly monitor my sensor readings else I'll be imbibing so much regular Coke to keep from passing out that all the exercise will be mute. 

Frustration level: Fax Machine.

But since the diabetes is part of the reason I need to do this, I need to do this. And I know I've said I need to do this many times in the past, and those times have not gone so well. The nice thing is that I can keep trying and hope that eventually I'll get myself in some good habits. So here we go again.

Or, to paraphrase the words of Joey McIntyre, heeeeeere weeeeeeee goooooo agaaaain...I'm a gal on a mission, baby,

I'm lookin' at YOU, 5.9

Parenthood

So...I'm a mom. A foster mom. And I've been a mom for less than a week.

What the hell am I doing???

Don't get me wrong- Baby is adorable. And he's a good baby- rarely cries, is happy a lot. And so far I think I'm handing the feeding-diapering- being spit up on thing okay. But the honest truth is that I'm not sure I have the wherewithal to do this for the rest of my life at this rate. I'm completely overextended. And I know, I know, everyone is telling me it's rewarding and I'll get used to it and everyone feels overwhelmed at first...but I don't think that's really my issue.

Bandit has been getting sicker the past few weeks- lots of whining, trouble walking, and on even more meds than me. My husband has had a migraine since the day Baby came into our lives and even though he's the rock I'm leaning against he feels like he's not doing enough. Shiva and Rosabel are both visibly needier and have changed some of their behaviors. I've missed almost a week of work and we've been trying to get daycare and pediatrician visits and birth parent visits scheduled in a week. And if I've eaten 1000 calories a day since last Monday I'll be surprised. And maybe it's that way for everyone when a new baby comes into their life.

But I'm a diabetic, and right now I'm last on the care scale. Baby, husband, dogs, work, me. And I know I'm not going to be able to keep this up because I'm tired, and my blood sugars have been low, and I'm losing weight (yay!) but in a bad way (boo!) I honestly don't know what I'd do without my husband and my mom. Single mothers? You're ranked above the police and fire fighters in my hero book right now.

Aaaand, Baby has been awake for this whole thing, but has been really good while I've been freaking out about the dog (who is going to the vet) and sitting here looking like a snotty, sobby mess. So it's time to go and probably change him, probably feed him, and maybe we'll read a book. Star Wars ABC is around here someplace.

Not looking a gift horse in the mouth

I had my last doctor's appointment of the month this morning, and it went surprisingly well. I've been stressed out the past three months or so, as some of you know. Things not in my control have been weighing heavily on my mind. Add that to the serious lack of exercise due in part to my foot being uncooperative, and I was expecting to see my nice 6.9 Hba1c look more like an 11 (which in this case is not a good thing despite what the members of Spinal Tap say.)

Here's the report.

 

!!!!!

 

My husband says not to look a gift horse in the mouth, my doctor says I must thrive on stress. I say...well, when I figure out what to say I'm sure it will be a smashing reply. To say that I am pleased would be an understatement.

 

I cannot figure out what I did either, which is frustrating. I certainly haven't been eating well, though I am now more inspired to get on MyFitnessPal.com...which sucks because I can't remember my password and I can't remember the password for the email address I used to sign up for it. Anyways, my point is that if I did know what it was I had done to get better control while seemingly having worse control I would tell you.

 

I gave up caffeine and am trying to stay away from aspartame if at all possible, which has limited my drink selections but I don't think has given me better control over my diabetes. I've been trying to at least eat less throughout the course of the day, which usually ends with me binge eating at night when I would usually be exercising. Seriously, I'm at a total loss here. I'm pondering and think I come to a conclusion that makes sense but...

 

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?

Strangely enough seeing that I'm doing better than I thought has really made me want to do better. I have plans this summer that I want to be in better shape for, and I have long term plans that I need to be in better shape for, so knowing that I am harder on myself about my health and that I am closer to that 5.9 than I was six months ago is actually really motivating. I'm going to get a stationary bike so I can work out while watching How I Met Your Mother. I'm going to remember my password to My Fitness Pal and start using it again. I can get this!

Now if we could just get this off of my kitchen table...

Not a lie.

 



The long and winding road...

So, that medical procedure went okee-day. Except for the fact that I'm feeling kinda like I had a medical procedure, and I can't quite shake the alien feeling. Also, they pump you full of air to make room for their surgical instruments, I think, which makes for an uncomfortable couple of days.

Just sayin'.

 

The thing about medical anything and diabetes is that no matter what people tell me about how long it takes to recover, I always end up taking longer to heal than I expect- even when I'm in really great shape diabetes-wise, which, I must admit, I have not been this past month. Between being sick for a while with a lingering head cold and then this surgery thing, diet and exercise have not had a place in my home. Needless to say, both my glucometer and the scale have been showing me higher numbers than I would like.

 

 

 

Here's the weird, totally not expected thing about this...I miss exercising. I miss eating right. I must be missing a few screws, too, because this isn't me. I'm all about noshing on deep fried stuff and sitting on my butt and playing video games or watching "The Princess Bride" for the one thousand one hundred and thirty eighth time. I'm lazy. I'm so lazy I have a theme song written by Irving Berlin and sung by none other than Bing Crosby, because yes I am that cool.

 

It's called "Lazy," ironically enough.

 

But here I am, actually kind of craving exercise and vegetables. I'm guessing this a good thing...it's odd, but I think somewhere along the line I may have made a life change. I'm planning on really getting going on Sunday when I have the all clear to exercise again, and hopefully by the end of December I'll be down five pounds or so and back on track with those blood sugars.

 

The only problem I really foresee is having to come up with a new theme song...

 



Yeah. That'll work.



Blood, sweat, and fewer tears

So, the hubby and I just finished exercising. Exercise is one of those things I wish I really liked. I always feel better after I exercise. I even think better of myself when I'm doing it. Finding the drive to get up off my butt and actually do it can be tricky. Dealing with the blood sugars after can also be tricky.

Expectedly, after an intense workout (or even a mediocre one) I find my blood sugar drops. Not always a bad thing, especially if I had a slice of key lime pie for dessert like I did tonight. When I first started really exercising a couple years ago it surprised me how quickly I could go from hot and sweaty from exercise to hot and sweaty from a massive low (seriously- sweatiness is a symptom of hypoglycemia. Look: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001423/ Gross, right? And not at all a reliable symptom when it's August and you've been doing aerobics.) I can't tell you how many times I've worked off 180 calories on the elliptical machine only to consume 210 in whatever flavor juice we had in the fridge twenty minutes later.

I used to count my calories pretty religiously. Everything I ate was counted, including everything I ate to bring my blood sugar up. I once consumed 500 calories worth of Jolly Ranchers and orange juice on a particularly bad day...which seems like a lot. It seems like even more when you take into account I try to keep my calorie intake at 1500 or so. A whopping one third of my daily calories went to just keeping my blood sugar up. That's where the tears come in. I was purposefully not eating meals over 300 calories just so I wouldn't go over my daily goal with hard candy. I wasn't good about eating right so long as I was good about eating a certain number of calories.

Wait...I thought it was a pyramid. I've been doing this all wrong.

When I exercise, I don't have as many lows. I know that sounds counter intuitive, but it's true- or at least it appears to be. I use less insulin and am more likely to eat better, therefore I don't have those crash and burns. Also, being on the pump and using a continuous blood glucose testing monitor have helped in more ways than I could properly express in a single blog post. I still have days where I can't seem to get out of the 50's, but I'm much more likely now to just turn off my pump, eat a couple pieced of hard candy, and not worry about the calories than I used to be.

As much as it pains me to admit, my husband was right about not counting those calories I consumed for my blood sugar. I've had much better control since I stopped doing that, and while it probably has more to do with what I eat and the fact that I have been a lot better at exercising now that I have a partner to do it with, the mental strain that came with adding every drop of juice and every little piece of candy or glucose tablet to my calorie calculator is gone, and that's a huge relief, and fewer tears. In fact, since I counted those "diabetes calories" for so long, I can say that even not adding them into my daily totals I'm eating fewer of them than I used to, which means tomorrow I'll be getting up off my butt and exercising again.