It's December. That means it's time for Christmas movies, like "Jingle Bell Love" and "Home Alone" and "Die Hard" and "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring." (There's a wise old magic man with a long beard and elves. Also, some family squabbling, a lot of gift giving, and a snow storm. If that doesn't cry out Christmas then I'm not sure what else to tell you.)
https://giphy.com/gifs/BoxOfficetr-lotr-lord-of-the-rings-frodo-WNwErIxqX18xmm92UX
Beyond that, though, it is the time of year that I find it hardest to stick to any kind of diet and be a good little diabetic. I mean, peppermint bark, candy canes, panettone, Christmas cookies...it isn't as if this stuff is around all year long. Maybe it is, but I certainly don't want peppermint bark in July. Anyway, I feel like this is the time of year when I am least likely to pass on something loaded with sugar. I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, but this stuff is everywhere...
Even my desk at work.
So why blog about this? Because I am feeling particularly bad about myself and need to get it off my chest. This isn't something that's unusual, but it isn't really warranted. I even had a good doctor's appointment yesterday- everything is trending downward. My A1c, my cholesterol, it all looks better than a year ago. I should be happy about it. But I know I can do better if I put myself on task, and, if I am brutally honest, right now the gas tank is empty. The motivation has moved on. The drive is out of gear. The flesh is weak, and the spirit is right along with it. I'm sure this is in part due to the depression I mentioned last time, and the tired I mentioned last time, but I think it's more than that. I just don't know what it is.
I've been struggling the last few years to really get into the whole "Christmas spirit" thing, in part due to all of this. This is, like, a big thing. I read A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens every December. We are a three tree household (technically five if you count the Charlie Brown trees, which of course you should). I have stockings hung all around the entertainment nook with care. I have a Mickey's Toon Town light up Christmas set that I spent way too much on and bought over multiple trips to Disneyland twenty years ago. I even have Disney Princess Christmas castles. I used to watch at least five or six Christmas movies as a matter of course every year. I think last year we got through one, maybe two, and both had Beverly D'Angelo in them.
https://giphy.com/gifs/filmeditor-christmas-movies-vacation-3o6wraf3EMOKbJGkcE
The problem is that it just feels like work anymore. My attention span isn't what it used to be, and to sit and watch a whole movie seems like a giant waste of time that I should be doing something else, even though none of the "something else" ever gets done, even if I don't watch a movie. I seem to get paralyzed and spend even more time watching the endless stuff that shows up in my YouTube feed. I haven't even kept up on Doctor Who for the last several years. That's really saying something.
https://giphy.com/gifs/doctorwho-doctor-who-dr-the-fires-of-pompeii-gKkyMq5EYLzxMpDIkg
Wish I was.
I think this year I am going to make it a goal to watch at least six of my usual Christmas movies and not feel guilty about it. It's the second half of that sentence that is the trickiest, I know. I did manage one movie already, so that leaves five more. This year I got the stockings up, and the trees, but not all the ornaments, and Toon Town is still in boxes in the hall closet...though the Princess Christmas castles are still up from last year. And quite frankly, I should feel good that I got decorated what I got decorated, and that my doctor is happy with how things are looking on the diabetes front. I need to make a concerted effort to be more Who and less Grinch, more Fred and less Scrooge pre-ghostly visits.
And I really need to cut back on those Christmas cookies...next year.
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