The low down on the down low

It's getting really hard to turn on the news or log on to Facebook these days. It seems everything posted or linked or talked about is __ number of ______ people killed in ________ because of _____. I know I shouldn't hide from it, because I want to be informed on what's happening in our society and in our world, but if I have to actively seek out good news, or scientific discoveries, or anything positive while I weed through article after article about racism or animal cruelty, hate fueled rants against people running for President, and stories about rapists, murderers, and child molesters... eventually I just sit in a corner and I cry.

Beats me, Theoden. You ever find out let me know.

Yeah, life sucks for a lot of people right now, and I'm not usually political, but it's getting me down. Real down. Low down. It really seems like the media (in all of its forms) has honed in on the fact that people will read good news, but they will share and rant and talk about bad news until the next bad thing comes along, thereby making the media oodles of money.

Sadly, my blood sugars sure haven't been low down. When I get depressed, I eat. When I eat because I'm depressed, I usually forget to give insulin. Not even "enough" insulin. Just "at all" insulin. And last night my stupid pump setting was off (probably because I was tossing and turning all night) and I woke up with a blood sugar of 440 and eff it all. I felt awful. I was sure I was going to start throwing up and the sludge running through my veins was going to never go away. 

If you've never had a high blood sugar, imagine the most hung over you have ever been in your life. Nausea. Head aches. Light sensitive. And an overall feeling of I will never forgive myself for drinking as much as I did last night and I swear to God I will never do it again...only you didn't drink and you probably just goofed and no matter what promises you make you will goof again.

Since my last blog I have forgotten to put my insulin pump back on after showering and have made it all the way to work (which is a 30 minute drive in no traffic) before realizing it. TWICE. Who the hell walks out the door without their pancreas? 

Seriously. 

I've also rescheduled my next endocrinologist appointment twice now because I haven't had the time (read: motivation) to go and get my blood work done. My birthday was a couple weeks ago, and there was a lot of cake. A lot. Of. Cake. Also, I am not playing Pokemon Go so I am still walking as much as I ever have, which is to say about 7000 steps a day, which is enough to keep me from gaining a lot of weight but not enough to work off the multiple calorie overages I tend to make in a single day.

To say that taking care of myself has taken a back seat to pretty much everything else in my life would be a fairly accurate statement.

But...life goes on. And everyday is a new one to remember to log my calories into MyFitnessPal and make sure I get up and start walking when my VivoFit3 tells me to. And there's little else I can do about the rest other than be the best person I can be, teach the Toddler to be the best person he can be, stand up for what I feel is right when given an opportunity to do so...and post a lot more videos that are funny, because Rob Paulsen is right, and laughter is the best medicine. You can't OD and the refills are free.

So here are some videos that make me smile. I hope they make you smile, too. And tomorrow, I'll be sure to get in some more steps and not forget my pump. Baby steps.

Yakko's World from Animaniacs (c) Warner Bros.

The McCarthys (c) CBS, not they they care since they didn't renew the show :(

I can't even with how hysterical this is.

Rocksugar + Christmas = Perfection.

The Year in Review

Well, it's been interesting. I've had some awesome things going on, and some not awesome things going on, and I guess everything has kind of balanced out.

The Awesome:

I have an awesome husband, though this has carried over from last year and the year before...and several years preceding that. We're actually coming up on fifteen years of marriage next year (we got married young) and I am grateful to have him.

We thought for sure we were going to lose Bandit last month, and it wasn't until we changed vets and discovered the poor thing has diabetes that he started to get better, and he's better. We're still figuring things out with him, but he's put weight back on and is more energetic, and I don't look at him and think he only has days left anymore. I think he'll be around for a while.

My last doctor's appointment went well, and my hemoglobin was 6.7 so I'm doing a lot better than I thought I was diabetes wise.

w00t.

I asked about the generic insulin thing, and they told me that it's basically the same thing as what I've been using, so I'm not going to worry about that. The blood testing strip thing I've still got to deal with, and cancel the automatic reorder that Medtronic does before I get charged for the whole order. I don't think they carry strips for other machines so I'll have to call the doctor's office and get them to either write a plea to the insurance company for me or prescribe me something that the insurance company will cover. This Christmas season has seen me eating more cookies than is necessary so I'll definitely need to get back on top of my game to keep that 6.7.

We got our first foster care placement, and baby has been a sweet and loving addition to our home. I wish I was allowed to share pictures because that smile would light your world. Being a parent has been about what I expected, though whether or not I was really prepared for that remains to be seen. It seems to have done good things for my blood sugars, which I had not expected. Running after a crawling baby counts as exercise, I guess.

I got to see New Kids on the Block four nights in a row this summer. I doubt I'll ever be able to swing that again so I'm glad I got to do it at least once, and I'm glad I got to hang out with some friends I don't get to see much. It was a lot of fun to scream and sing along and feel twelve again!

Work has been good. I like my job, I like the people I work with, and I think the next year will be more of the same there- only with new carpet! (It's going to be a major undertaking but I'm ridiculously excited about it!)

The Not So Awesome:

Well, I've still got diabetes, and now Bandit does. My husband still has headaches. And foster parenting is hard- harder than I had anticipated. There is a lot more to it than just parenting, and I don't know that I'd recommend it to many people because I think it takes a certain type of person to handle the emotional roller coaster that comes with it. We want what's best for baby, and whether that means staying with us or going back home remains to be seen, but either way I hope that baby will be happy and healthy. Time will tell how things will turn out!

Note to self: get a TARDIS.

I hope you all have a happy end to 2014 and a great beginning to 2015!

'Tis the Season to be fat and happy

Merry Christmas!

I know I tend to get a little negative here, and vent a lot about things, and I also know that Thanksgiving was last month and to do a blog about things that I am thankful for is a little late, but you know what? I'm much more thankful for things at Christmas than I am at Thanksgiving.

Things I am thankful for, 2013:

1. My family.
1.5. My dogs
2. My friends.
3. Love eternal.
4. Wibbly- wobbly, timey-wimey.
5. Music.
6. Life.

Let's break it down a little.

1. My family. I don't just mean my immediate family, like my husband and siblings and parents. I mean my cousins, and aunts and uncles. I mean my in-laws. I mean family members I don't even think about until I get out my Christmas card list and see them on it (admittedly, there are a couple, and no I am not naming names.) I haven't really been close to my extended family because I've always lived three thousand miles away from most of them, but I really am thankful for them. Family is important, and even though they are the people who are most likely to drive you crazy, they are also the people you are most likely to have things in common with, the people who are closer to you genetically than a stranger on the street, and the people who just might message you on Facebook when you're having a shit day to let you know that even though you're not close, you're family, and if you need to talk they're there to listen.

1.5 My dogs. I put them here in the middle because to me they are family, but I know not everyone gets that. Besides, they're more than family, too. They're protectors, they're children, they're best friends. My dogs are always following me around the house like an entourage. If I'm upset and crying they are all of them trying to lick my face and make me happy. They love me unconditionally and I feel the same way about them.

Besides, they're adorable!

 

2. My friends. I would be lost without my friends. I have friends all over the world, friends I email daily, and friends I visit with whenever I get to be in their neck of the woods. I have good friends that are more like family from Seattle all the way to England. I have friends I've known since I was in elementary school, friends who grew up in the same neighborhood, and friends I've not even met in "real life." All of them are important to me. There's a line that has always stuck with me in the song "Thankful Heart" from The Muppet Christmas Carol- "And if you need to know the measure of a man, you simply count his friends." I have a lot of friends. I may not have a lot of them close by, but I have a lot of friends, people who I have seen come together in a common purpose to do amazing things for one another, people who have gone out of their way to pick me up at the airport or change their schedules so they could see me, people who have taken me into their homes and let me stay for the weekend- you know. Friends.

 

3. Love eternal. For some of you this makes perfect sense, others need an explanation, and the only one you're going to get is this: It's a Blockhead thing.

 

Sometimes being called a Blockhead is a compliment.

 

 

4. Wibbly- wobbly, timey-wimey.

 

Technical.

 

So, for those of you who don't watch Doctor Who, you should. Not because it's excellent Sci-Fi about a Time Lord who travels through space and time with mostly Earthling companions saving the universe over and over again with a bit of whimsy and a lot of intelligence (even though it's all of those things) but because there is nothing that gives you as much hope as the thought that a brilliant and amazing alien sees so much potential and good in mankind that he continues to save us from decimation again and again. If The Doctor thinks we're worth saving, then maybe we should think the same.

 

The Doctor.

 

 

5. Music. I pretty much can't live without it. I haven't listened to a lot of it today and I can tell you I've been a lot quicker to snap over things than I would if I'd had music playing in the background. I love all kinds of music- you already know I love New Kids on the Block and Maroon 5, but I'm also a fan of Puccini, The Beatles, Bing Crosby, the Monkees, Brad Paisley, The Carpenters, musicals, Aerosmith and Eddie Daniels (he's a jazz clarinet player.) My tastes are varied (much like my taste in movies) and while I tend to spend most of my time listening to pop music, there are days when I need to listen to country, or I need to put on classical and just mellow out. And my all time favorite song?

 

Words and Music by Jeff Moss

 

6. Life. If you're not thankful for your life, even if it's full of senseless crap like there being no way to stop your hated Google+ account that you almost never use from being connected to YouTube even though YOU DO NOT LIKE THIS and WOULD OPT OUT IF GOOGLE WERE NOT STUPID AND ACTUALLY GAVE YOU A CHOICE (like I could get through a blog without a rant?), then frankly, you're missing the bigger picture. That we exist at all is incredible. Whether a higher being or dumb luck created life as we know it on this planet is irrelevant- we exist. And while the universe may not give a damn about that, we should. Yes, I have diabetes. Yes, I feel like ick right now because I need to lose a few pounds and my blood sugar is 207 and climbing. But I'm alive. I'm alive and so are you, to quote Bill Murray in Scrooged.  And holy crap that is amazing.





Let's Try It Again

For those of you following along at home, I gave up on using the Medtronic Revel continuous glucose testing because it was, in a word, antisupercalifragilisticexpialidoscious. This was no spoonful of sugar we're talking about. It was definitely the rain on the chalk pavement pictures.

Today I started using the NEW and IMPROVED Medtronic Elite model of CGM, and so far I am thinking pretty highly of it. For example, the length of the sensor itself is dramatically improved.

This is the Soft Sensor that was used with the Revel. The needle there (it's encased in a plastic protector) is just about as long as a dime is wide, and it's the largest gauge needle I've ever seen. I think you can give an elephant a tranquilizer with this needle. It went in at a strange angle, as you can kind of tell (the plastic part just above the needle was supposed to be flush with my skin. I say supposed to because it was really a crap shoot over whether that would happen or not.) Also, because it went IN at an angle, you had to pull the needle OUT at the same angle or it just stayed stuck, which was always good for a panic attack.

This is the Elite Sensor. Much shorter, and it goes straight in at a 90 degree angle which makes taking it OUT really easy.  Also, I can leave it in for 6 days as opposed to 3. Already we're making a better impression. I'm sure it has quirks I will have to get used to, but the relationship is young and its still trying to impress me. I knew after only a couple months that things with the Soft Sensor weren't going to work out, but I can see the Elite and I making a long commitment to one another.

Perhaps it's just because I'm already listening to Christmas music and for some strange reason my XM/Sirius radio weirdly started working again even though the trial subscription ran out last week, but I'm feeling pretty optimistic about the new gear. I know I was fairly optimistic about the other Medtronic CGM, but the trainer I was working with today had little nice to say about the Soft Sensor and lots nice to say about the Elite, so I'm hopeful that they have done some serious improving.

And as for the Christmas stuff... :D

Bing and Bowie, for the win