She's a super freak...

I am a control freak. I hate not being in control of things. It doesn't matter what the thing is that we're talking about, either. Diabetes, check. Other people being stupid, check. My foot, double check.

Honestly, I thought it would be better by now. I long ago reconciled myself to the fact that I will be a diabetic for the rest of my life. I have diabetes, and I am okay with that. I don't like it, but I can deal with it, and I get better at dealing with it everyday. But this thing with my foot?

Pardon me a second here, Mom.

IT FUCKING SUCKS.

I'm in pain, which is something that I haven't really been experiencing with this foot thing. Discomfort, yes. Frustration, yes. But it hurts now more than it has since I actually injured it. I've been back in real shoes for a couple of weeks, and I've been walking tentatively but getting around pretty well. The last few days have not been so good. I iced it a couple days ago and it felt SO much worse. And I've been wearing the plastic molded arch supports in my shoes but those seem to be hurting both of my feet. How much do they hurt? So much I pulled this out of the closet:

Expletive, expletive, redacted, expletive.

 

It's not really helping, either. Both of my feet hurt, my knees hurt...I mean, I'm falling apart. I've been following my doctor's orders and I am not better. I want it to be better NOW. However, I am afraid that this is out of my control, too, like most things. Yes, I admit most things are actually out of my control and I just need to let go of them. Believe it or not, I'm trying to do that.

 

I know, you're amazed.

 

I have an appointment with the podiatrist on Monday, where I hope I will hear some good news. I miss exercising like I used to. I miss walking without people asking me how I'm doing or if I'm getting better. I miss being able to take a real step without fear. I have control over how I take care of myself and my attitude, and that's what I need to focus on. I know what I can and can't control, and I need to spend my time working on what I can control- like my blood sugar most of the time, exercising when I can and how I am able, and keeping a positive attitude. I need to ignore what I cannot control because otherwise...

This is my brain trying to control everything.