The Science Project

Had a doctor's appointment this week. My HbA1c was 7.1, which was good, but not good enough. I mean, Tom (the nurse practitioner I work with) was thrilled...but I can do better. I don't think a 7 is gold star work.

Just a reminder on what the heck I'm talkin' about.

 

I did mention the hubs and I just started to diet and exercise, right? Hopefully by my next appointment (three months) it will be down in the 6's. 6 is actually my favorite number, so anything in the 6 range will be fine. We're shootin' for a 6.3. It won't be easy, because there are some non-diabetics out there who can't even get that score, but I've done it before and dagnab it, I'm going to do it again.

 

Also in the course of discussion, which my husband was in on because he came with me this time, were all the "future" things coming for diabetics. Like insulin pumps/ CGM that talk to your Android phone and work on their own to correct highs and lows and account for food and what not. Otherwise known as a pancreas, or, in some circles, a unicorn. Husband and Tom were both really excited...me, not so much.

 

Woo. Really, I mean it.

 

 

Don't get me wrong- that would be all good once they have it all figured out. Right now you have to wear two sensors, and use three devices I don't have (different pump, different CGM, and an Android phone, which we all know no insurance is going to cover). I know they are in the very beginning test stages and we're talking years before this is even available to people like me, but that all sounds like more trouble than it's worth. Now, my husband is a gadget guy and he may also be Batman (I've never seen them together, so it's possible.) He is also more concerned with me being healthy than anyone else on the planet that I am not blood related to. For him this all sounds great, hassles aside. For me?

 

It makes me feel like a freaking science project. And I remember not liking those much.

 

Vector-clip-art

 

It's also really hard to get excited for "what's down the pipeline" when my insurance company has been less than cooperative with getting me on CGM in the first place and the companies I've worked with have been less than stellar at making the whole "out of network" thing feasible (like, here). I mean, hello? It's pretty damn obvious that CGM and the pump alone are keeping me from ending up in the HbA1c red zone up there, because donuts and Christmas cookies and Red Vines don't just eat themselves. I'm just not looking forward to the battle ahead though it would be really nice to have a working pancreas again, even if I do have to wear it in my pocket.

 

Arthur Ashe is quoted as saying, "Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." I find these words pretty inspiring, because a lot of what I have to do with diabetes is pretty much that. And Walt Disney is famous for saying, "It's kind of fun to do the impossible."  I feel like I'm always trying to do that, too. I don't have much of a choice though, do I?

 

Again, Phil and Lem put it succinctly. 

 

So I will keep starting where I am, using what I have and doing what I can until some company manages to do the impossible and I get my electronic pancreas, and if I have to deal with insurance companies being a pain in the arse and having to look like Batman with devices all up in my pockets and on my belt I'll do that, too.

 

Because I have to.

 



Happy Happy Joy Joy

I woke up in a terrific mood yesterday morning.

This was before I got into my car and my phone decided it was going to play two upbeat tracks off of New Kids on the Block's first album followed by two of my favorite Maroon 5 tracks. This was before I cheerfully dropped off some prescriptions and the pharmacy staff smiled at me and said they hadn't seen me in a while. This was before I got dressed and found that I was having a really good hair day. This was before I made myself a cup of joe and sat down to do a little writing before work- and not just the usual editing something I'd written before, but actual, honest to goodness, this-is-all-new- in-my-head-I'd-better-get-it down-before-I-forget writing.

I just woke up happy.

I know what you're all thinking. She's high as a kite right now. She's never happy. But that's the thing- sometimes, I am, and even though I have to work at it, I often accomplish this more than I let on, even if it's just listening to my favorite music on the way home from work or sharing a particularly good vanilla custard milkshake with my husband at lunch. And though I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, I did spend some time trying to figure out why I woke up with a smile on my face yesterday morning. I think I have it figured out.

I slept Tuesday night. I was not tired all day yesterday (at least, not as tired as I usually am.) The hubs and I have been working on changing our diets and getting some exercise every day. We went for a walk Tuesday night, had some healthy snacks, watched The Voice and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and went to bed, and I actually slept. Of course, I certainly didn't sleep because I had worked off nervous energy walking around our neighborhood  or because I had an apple and some peanut butter a couple hours before bed. No, I slept because my CGM sensor ended Tuesday afternoon, and rather than start a new one right before bed I waited until Wednesday morning, thereby assuring that I would not be kept up all night by incessant beeping.

My hubs will not be pleased to hear this (sorry honey) but the nights I don't have my sensor on because I'm changing the setting the next morning are my favorites. I know it is partially my fault that the insulin pump goes off fifty three times a night- I have my high alert set too low and my low alert set too high, and unless my blood sugar stays steadily between 90 and 160 all night it is inevitably going to beep. I could change the high alert to be a little higher and the low alert to be a little lower, but my goal is to keep my blood sugar within that limited range and changing it is only going to make that much harder for me during my waking hours. Also, I don't think that would stop it.

Just like nothing can stop Agent Coulson.

I appreciate that those alerts are there for a reason, but let's be honest. If someone woke you up every half an hour, or even every hour between when your head hit the pillow and your alarm clock went off, you'd want to punch them in the neck with studded gloves. Sure, this might be what it's like to have a baby, only eventually the baby should grow out of it and I'm pretty sure the pump will just keep beeping at me until I acknowledge it. I am, however, able to turn the damn thing off every once in a while, and that is a nice thing because this disease isn't one you can ignore for any length of time, or take a vacation from. What disease is? I can't get a break from the diabetes, but I can at least get a break from the beeping.

And when I do get a break, I get a good night's sleep for the first time in six days, and I can wake up feeling motivated and happy and energized. Lack of sleep is not a good thing, people. It makes your brain slower, your reaction times slower, your attitude cranky and your whole outlook on life a little shadier. A well rested mind and body doesn't get ill as much as a sleep deprived mind and body. Being well rested helps you deal with stress. Sleep is a good thing. I'm a big fan of it.

Though...strangely...I woke up in a good mood this morning, too, and I had my sensor on last night. It only woke me up once, though, so maybe my hypothesis still holds water. I guess we'll have to wait and see how I feel tomorrow morning.