Following in your owner's footsteps is no way to go through life, puppy

So, in my quest to be more positive, the road I've taken had proven to be paved with multiple challenges, one of which is the fact that when using Internet Explorer I am unable to load pictures into my Google blog without resetting everything according to my husband's instructions. This last weekend has proven to be a bigger challenge than even Internet Explorer.

Let's set the stage...

This is Bandit:

Bandit is our half Pug, half Labrador Lug. He's 13 years old, loves people food, and takes full possession of the bed whenever he can, even if we humans are in it. He is one of the sweetest and most adorable dogs I've ever seen. And Friday night he scared the tuna salad out of us.

If you haven't heard of ODV and you are a dog owner, take a moment to acquaint yourself with it now. If you don't want to take the time to read the article, ODV is Old Dog Vestibular disease and it looks like your dog is having a stroke. Stand in one place, spin around until you are so dizzy you almost can't stand, and then try to walk in a straight line and you get an idea of what a dog feels when he suffers through this. There's not much of a treatment for it other than giving them something to quell their upset stomach and then...wait.

Unfortunately, neither my husband nor I had ever heard of this so Friday night I was sure that we were going to have to put my baby down, and I was a hot mess. The emergency vet gave us three possible diagnoses (in worst case scenario to best case scenario order): Brain tumor, encephalitis, ODV. If it wasn't ODV then we were looking at losing him, and I was not ready to hear this.

Very long story short, a bunch of Xrays and blood work and $1000 later we had a rather impressed vet telling us that Bandit was in remarkably good shape, all things considered. His x-rays looked really good, and all of his blood work was in a normal range....except his blood glucose, which was 199, and waaaaaay out of the normal range for a dog.

On one hand, relief that my dog is going to be okay. On the other? Oh shit my poor dog might have diabetes. I can't even get him to take pills without wrapping them in cheese- how the hell am I going to give him shots????

We made an appointment with his regular vet a couple days later and much to my relief his blood sugar was normal, and we chalked the high up to stress from not being able to see straight and throwing up every five minutes. Still, it got me thinking about what would happen if we had kids or one of the dogs did eventually end up a diabetic. Would I be the ideal person to take care of that? I mean, when my mom was handing carb counting and insulin and everything I was in the best shape of my life, and as soon as I took over I was on the fast track to complication town. I'm still trying to break bad habits I acquired in high school. I am doing better with taking care of myself, but add in a little stress and I'm eating donuts for breakfast. And I really don't have the hang of bolusing yet, though, to be fair, I don't think anyone does.

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you bolus completely wrong and don't know why

I think I would do well taking care of someone else, though. I understand better than anyone without diabetes would, that's for sure. And I'm pretty up on the tricks you can use to make it look like you're taking care of yourself when you're really not. I can also see that while I cut corners with myself, I wouldn't with my kid, or even my dog. Hell, it might even make me take better care of myself to set a good example. Plus, if I'm going to be carb counting for someone else, I may as well do it for me, too. Right?

On a far more serious note, while I was freaking out over my dog two people I knew through other people ended their lives by choice. I don't know what was going on in their minds, and I don't know what all was going on in their lives, but I do know that suicide doesn't end your pain- it just transfers it to someone else. So if you are depressed, or if you know someone who is, just do a quick Bing or Google or Yahoo search and call for help. Please.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

And....I Forget

I had a great idea for a blog post ten minutes ago in the bedroom...and now it's gone. Oh, well. I'll try a little free-flow writing and see if my brain can end up there again.

I made myself a promise that I would try to be more positive and let go of my hate this year. I would say anger, because that's more what I need to let go of since I don't really hate, but anger can be a good emotion and frankly, mine isn't going anywhere. I'd also say resolution instead of promise, but I stopped making those years ago. Resolutions most people don't keep, and while a lot of them don't keep promises, either, I'm much more likely to keep a promise.

Of course, Google Blogger isn't letting me load pictures and I just cast my laptop aside with an "I hate you," so clearly this is going to be a challenge for me.

Getting back to the topic at hand, I made a promise to be more positive, but you can't just flip a switch and go from being the person who professed extreme dislike for Barbara Streisand because of so many legitimate reasons to being a person who can sit and listen to her music...especially when the reasons to dislike still seem so legit. But honestly, is Babs feeling the sting of my ire? Hell no. The woman doesn't even know I exist and she wouldn't give a tuppence if she did. The only person I'm hurting is myself carrying around all that negativity. So I need to stop that.

I need to laugh more. I need to listen to happier music. I need to rant less and let go of my negativity because I'm too stressed.

 

Well, that's happy music and makes me laugh. Check and Check!

                         
I know I've touched on this before, but I'm a bit of a negative person. I see the best in people, usually, until I get to know them and they start to annoy me (lol), but I almost always see the worst in situations. I immediately think, "This can't be done because of X,Y, and Z" instead of  thinking, "This could totally be possible if A, B and C!" I try to think the latter, and if I'm consciously thinking about it I do, but...Geez is this hard. Changing the way you think isn't easy. The fact that I am actively trying to change should say a lot about me, at least. I see something about myself I don't like, and I am trying to improve myself.

Which miraculously made my brain remember what I was going to write about in the first place. Woohoo!

My diabetes (no, I didn't forget that this is a blog about living with diabetes. I'm not that old!) has of late been kind of borderline. I'm not doing bad, but I'm not doing good. What is that? Fair? I'm doing fair with it. And fair is frankly not good enough for me. I'm also over weight and I need to lose somewhere between 20 and 30 pounds before I won't actively fantasize about destroying my bathroom scale with a baseball bat a la Office Space.

A great way to get rid of stress!

Now before you all jump into the comments and tell me I look fine or great or I'm beautiful and shouldn't buy into skinny jeans, do me a favor and shut up. I appreciate that I probably don't look as bad as I think I do, but telling me so is doing a whole lot of nothing for me. I need to lose weight. I need to be in better shape. My health is affected by the extra weight I carry around. So telling me I'm not fat isn't helping me because frankly if I start to believe it I won't do anything about the weight I have gained.  Eating less, eating right and exercising 3-5 times a week- these are my goals, and I am not doing it because I want to fit into smaller jeans (that's a lie), I'm doing it because I want to be healthy (which is true). So, strangely, in this case, I think being negative is going to produce a positive.

And now we've come full circle, and I seriously didn't even plan that. Bam!