Sorry if I'm a little downer today, but I'm still reeling from Paul Walker's death, which undoubtedly you've heard about even if you're not a fan because it's pretty much a given that if a guy who was in the "Fast and Furious" franchise dies in a car accident, the news media is going to have a field day writing about it. Frankly, this is only adding to and not the lone source of my melancholy, but it's one of those things that just reminds you life is short and those you love may not be here tomorrow, or even later tonight, and it's making me upset because it is one more thing I have absolutely zero control over. I'm not as upset about Paul Walker as I am from thinking that it could be my husband wrapped around a tree someday, and there's not a damn thing I can do to stop that from happening... I hate when I get the mean reds like this. Holly Golightly could swing by Tiffany's, but my go-to happy place isn't somewhere you can just visit for free.
Though it is really pretty at Christmastime...
I know I've been dealing with depression stuff, and I don't always put in here what's making me depressed (because some things aren't relevant or I just don't want to share), but something about this last few months has been gettin' me down. It's kind of funny, actually, because my husband told me today one of our co-workers has a handout from a "motivational" presentation I did a couple months ago hanging at her desk, and she thinks it's awesome and she looks at it everyday for inspiration. I'm way flattered, and glad to know that "do as I say don't do as I do" still works, because lately I'll just start to cry at the drop of a hat.
I feel a little overwhelmed is all. We'll get through it.
On another note, and totally switching gears, I realized the other day just how much waste I produce. Not that we don't recycle (we do), and not that I don't try to reuse things (I do), but diabetes wise...there's a lot. I mean, I knew the blood testing strips and things added up, but then I changed my pump setting at the same time that I changed my CGM sensor setting...and just wow.
I didn't think to take a picture until after I'd thrown a bunch away, too.
That's a wet erase marker in the upper left hand corner. Typical pen size, about five inches long. All of that is medical garbage. Plastic pouches, needles, alcohol wipes, old settings...every six days I toss out that much trash. Every three days it's half of that. And this doesn't include the test strips for every blood test I do (2-3 a day), the tissues I throw out that I use to stop my poor stabbed fingers from bleeding, or the empty test strip bottles, the boxes that the pump and CGM supplies come in, or the boxes that those boxes come in. It's a massive amount of non-reusable garbage that I throw away every single day.
It just kind of blew my mind. I mean, multiply this out by the number of years I've been using the pump (pushing ten) and the number of years I've been using CGM therapy (I think two? Not sure anymore), and then add in all the years yet to come...holy crap! And the thousands and thousands of needles I used before this? And the thousands and thousands of test strips and alcohol wipes I've gone through?
I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, and he wasn't too broken up over my HbA1c...it was a 7.2, which I know is relatively good but for me feels like utter failure. That is definitely adding to my melancholy. I know I can do better. The rest of my blood work was good, too. Cholesterol is down, blood pressure okay...Even when I skip out on exercise, eating right, and using the CGM I end up doing all right. Which only goes to prove I can do better if I actually try. And of course I want to try right in the middle of Christmas. (It's like I'm setting myself up for failure. Eesh.)
Anyway, that's my musings for you. I start off thinking one thing and then the mind wanders someplace else entirely. Star Wars finally finished updating and it only took an hour. Now I don't even feel like playing, but if I don't then it will be a little like I wasted an hour...of course I won't have to update the next time I play, so there's that. And I did get a blog written, even though Google was trying to thwart me at every turn. Which means, in spite of my negativity this evening...
Carla wins.
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