I spy with my little eye...

I've been to the eye doctor twice this month, which is saying something because I'd rather have a root canal than go even one time to the eye doctor. I don't do drops in my eyes. I don't do contacts. I don't like anything going near my eye at any time for any reason. It stresses me out. In all honesty, and given my goal to be more positive, saying that I hate going to the eye doctor is a step up from what I would usually say.

Even this is kinder than usual.

The reason for this extra visit is not that I had to go back to pick up new sunglasses (because they haven't called me to let me know they're in yet, which means I'll be back for a third time later this month, damn it.) No, it's because my optometrist referred me to a retina specialist, "just for a baseline." In other words, he saw something and wanted a second opinion on it because I'm diabetic.

I've known for a couple years now that I've got the early stages of diabetic retinopathy, so the fact that my eye doctor wanted me to go see a retina specialist really came as no surprise. He wasn't even that concerned. It's not like the spots I have are (a) that many or (b) in a place in my eye that is going to greatly affect my vision soon. Still. It's freaking diabetic retinopathy. That's bad.

For those of you who've never heard of diabetic retinopathy, here's what it looks like.

Not me, by the way. My eyes are better than this!

I know, it looks like something you'd see on a Science Channel special about aliens, but in layman's terms that's an eye, the big yellow dot is the pupil, and the little yellow dots are parts of it that don't work anymore. (I think....hey, I'm not an optometrist or an ophthalmologist.) At any rate, as the eye gets more dots, you start to lose your sight. And when you get enough of them then you're blind because you couldn't keep your blood sugars under control, which probably had more to do with your lack of self control than fate handing you a bum deal.

That was pretty cynical. But it doesn't make it any less true.

The retina specialist (retinologist?) told me that it takes about three years for bad blood sugars to show up as retinopathy. So I can be having a grand old time eating whatever I want and letting my blood sugars skyrocket and not "see" the effects for three years. This is bad for so many reasons, the most important being by the time you see the signs there's nothing you can do to stop it. I can't say that there isn't fair warning, though. It's not like it's a secret that bad blood sugars lead to nasty complications. And any diabetic will tell you there are at least four or five people in their life always trying to get them to check their blood sugar.

Avoiding the red...I've been in the 7's lately. :)

 

Fortunately, I'm in pretty good control and have been working hard the last few years to remain so. The doctor was impressed with how healthy my eyes looked even before I told him I'd been a Type 1 diabetic for 30+ years. Of course, he also pointed out he wants to see me yearly because things like diabetic retinopathy can escalate quickly. (He also pointed out a cataract that is not yet big enough to consider surgery for, so now I can add "making me feel old" to the list of reasons I do not enjoy going to the eye doctor.)

The fact that I'm not blind now is a blessing, and the fact that I'm now draggin' my butt to the eye doctor at least once (and now probably twice) a year will hopefully keep me from being so for a long, long, epically long time. Also hopefully, I'll be able to head off any other complications now that I am more actively taking care of myself. As a teen I ignored my diabetes as best as I could, making up blood sugar numbers to get my parents off of my back because I wasn't checking (sorry, Mom) and skipping shots to stay thin while I ate whatever I wanted. It was a very bad few years for me, and some of the habits I acquired back then I am still trying to break. I think this is something most diabetics go through, and I'm probably right to think it. I don't think everyone is as lucky as I am when it comes to complications (sorry again.)

I try not to be too preachy to other diabetics- I get the same speeches and nagging that everyone else gets, and it's tiresome. We know, okay? I can rattle off the complications just as well as my doctor. However, speaking as someone who used to ignore and cheat her way through diabetes, I'm fighting to keep myself from getting worse. The retinopathy is there and it isn't going away. If three years from now my doctors look at the back of my eye and say, "You look the same" then I'll be happy.

In the mean time...maybe I should call to see if my sunglasses are ready. They're pretty cool.