The Year in Review

Well, it's been interesting. I've had some awesome things going on, and some not awesome things going on, and I guess everything has kind of balanced out.

The Awesome:

I have an awesome husband, though this has carried over from last year and the year before...and several years preceding that. We're actually coming up on fifteen years of marriage next year (we got married young) and I am grateful to have him.

We thought for sure we were going to lose Bandit last month, and it wasn't until we changed vets and discovered the poor thing has diabetes that he started to get better, and he's better. We're still figuring things out with him, but he's put weight back on and is more energetic, and I don't look at him and think he only has days left anymore. I think he'll be around for a while.

My last doctor's appointment went well, and my hemoglobin was 6.7 so I'm doing a lot better than I thought I was diabetes wise.

w00t.

I asked about the generic insulin thing, and they told me that it's basically the same thing as what I've been using, so I'm not going to worry about that. The blood testing strip thing I've still got to deal with, and cancel the automatic reorder that Medtronic does before I get charged for the whole order. I don't think they carry strips for other machines so I'll have to call the doctor's office and get them to either write a plea to the insurance company for me or prescribe me something that the insurance company will cover. This Christmas season has seen me eating more cookies than is necessary so I'll definitely need to get back on top of my game to keep that 6.7.

We got our first foster care placement, and baby has been a sweet and loving addition to our home. I wish I was allowed to share pictures because that smile would light your world. Being a parent has been about what I expected, though whether or not I was really prepared for that remains to be seen. It seems to have done good things for my blood sugars, which I had not expected. Running after a crawling baby counts as exercise, I guess.

I got to see New Kids on the Block four nights in a row this summer. I doubt I'll ever be able to swing that again so I'm glad I got to do it at least once, and I'm glad I got to hang out with some friends I don't get to see much. It was a lot of fun to scream and sing along and feel twelve again!

Work has been good. I like my job, I like the people I work with, and I think the next year will be more of the same there- only with new carpet! (It's going to be a major undertaking but I'm ridiculously excited about it!)

The Not So Awesome:

Well, I've still got diabetes, and now Bandit does. My husband still has headaches. And foster parenting is hard- harder than I had anticipated. There is a lot more to it than just parenting, and I don't know that I'd recommend it to many people because I think it takes a certain type of person to handle the emotional roller coaster that comes with it. We want what's best for baby, and whether that means staying with us or going back home remains to be seen, but either way I hope that baby will be happy and healthy. Time will tell how things will turn out!

Note to self: get a TARDIS.

I hope you all have a happy end to 2014 and a great beginning to 2015!

Diabetes Girl, meet Diabetes Dog

Yeah, you read that right. Bandit has diabetes. Poor thing gave us the scare of a lifetime this last weekend.

January 2011

For a while now my husband has not been a fan of our vet. He's thought for years that they over charge us, which they probably have been. As my experience with vets is limited  I've never had any reason to doubt where we've been going as far as care is concerned, but I told him if he wanted to get a second opinion he could if he wanted to. So since Bandit has been steadily declining the past month or two he decided it was time to do that. Bandit had bronchitis a couple months ago, and the vet had him on a ton of medication. Steroids, pain relievers, allergy meds, anxiety meds- he was taking more pills than us, but not getting better. Sure, he wasn't coughing anymore, but he was also losing weight at an alarming rate and clearly not eating. In fact, he was getting a lot worse- worse to the point that we were sure we were losing him, and taking him for a second opinion felt a little like a last ditch effort to avoid an ugly truth staring us in the face.

At first they thought he might have cancer, which broke my heart. They did a lot of blood work, and low and behold the pup's blood sugar was way out of control. Long story short (too late), he's not on pills anymore, except for the antibiotic he's on because of the pancreatitis the old vet never diagnosed and IV he was on during his four and a half day hospital stay. The other tests they did to check for cancer all came back negative, too. He very clearly has diabetes.

April 2012

Right now he's home, and we're giving him shots twice a day, and having to force feed him because after all of that his appetite is nonexistent, which is normal, especially considering how high his blood sugar was. At one point it was well over 600, so I can see why he wouldn't want to eat. He probably felt terrible, because I know if my blood sugar was that high all I'd want to do is drink the Atlantic Ocean and then maybe just die. Imagine the worst hangover you've ever had. Now double it. Would you want to eat? Hopefully in the next week or so he'll start to feel well enough that we won't have to puree his dog food and plunge it into his mouth so he'll have some nutrition.

The thing is, I feel like a prize idiot. Lethargy. Drinking excessive amounts of water. Losing weight dramatically. All things I know are a sign of diabetes, and I never put them together when I saw them in him. And then there's the fact hat he's been grossly overweight most of his life, and the last time he was in the ER the doctor saw his blood sugar was elevated and thought he may have it. When we checked with our now former vet and they redid his blood work he was in a normal range, but high normal. So I let it go, and it got bad, and then you add pancreatitis to that and it got very bad.

October 2013

Why didn't I see this coming? I mean, at that point we should have put him on a diet to lower his weight and have started to monitor his blood sugars all the fraking time, but we didn't. Now we have to nurse our poor baby back to health because he's rail thin, doesn't want to eat anything (though he does much better with the force feeding than I imagined he would), and has diafuckingbetes.

I feel so guilty.  I let him get fat. I fed him from the table. I didn't take him for walks. I didn't pay attention. And we almost lost him because of it. The good thing is that he doesn't seem to care much about the shots, and I can give those to him fairly easily right now. When his strength is back up to normal I'm hoping this stays the same, because even at  45 pounds he still puts up one hell of a fight with the force feeding!

So now we have in our home a diabetic mommy and diabetic doggy, a daddy with migraines, an older doggy who seems to be okay (thought now I'm wondering if we should take Shiva in for a physical all things considered), a Cairn terrier with hip dysplasia that has thankfully not progressed to a point where surgery is necessary, and a baby that laughs and gurgles and delights us all but keeps bringing home a head cold from daycare and passing it around to everyone. (Seriously, I just got over the last one and I'm sneezing again.)

My baby's home.

This Thanksgiving, I know what I am thankful for. I'm thankful for my husband, my family, my friends, my dogs (who are family). For Christmas this year, I don't want things. I don't want movies or toys or clothes or even my entire debt paid off (although if anyone is willing to do that I won't say no.) All I want for Christmas is for all of my family to be here, to be healthy, and to be happy, and I will consider myself a very lucky woman if this happens.

Sleepless Night Ramblings

I feel like sick has taken over my household. First baby was sick, then husband was sick, then I got sick, and I haven't been able to kick it. I'm on antibiotics, I'm choking on phlegm, and boy am I tired. I cannot wait until I'm healthy again.

Of course, that's never going to happen. You know. Dia-frickin-betes.

It's kind of funny, actually, that it is only NOW occurring to me that having diabetes basically means I am never "well" or "healthy" in strictest terms. Maybe this has occurred to me before and I just forgot- which is even funnier. How do you forget something like that?

I missed my last endocrinologist appointment because I was sick. I mean, I probably could have dragged myself down to get my blood work and gone in for it, but the numbers would have been all skewed. I have no clue what my numbers are since it's been six months, maybe, since I've had blood work done, so I'd really like them to be as accurate as possible so I can see just how much having a baby in the house has effected (affected?) my health.

Yes, even this English Major is guilty of a few of these. #BestWeirdAlSongEVER

 

I know how having a baby in the house has taken it's toll on other aspects of my life. It's a lot harder to pay attention to the dogs and give them the attention they are used to, and especially with Bandit this has become a problem because of his deteriorating health. Every now and then my husband and I realize that in the near future we may have to make a very hard choice, and it's eating me up inside.

 

I am also awake at unholy times of day. Like, 6 am. Who gets up at 6 am? I don't think I got up at 6 am when I was in high school and had to catch the bus at 6:40! I like to sleep in, and I'm a night owl. Or at least I was. Now if I'm awake for Blue Bloods on Friday night it's probably because I'm changing a diaper and have been woken up to do it. On the weekends it used to be common for me to not get up before eleven am at the earliest. Now that's when I put baby down for his second nap.

 

I'm still not eating a whole lot, and we've started to eat more fast food because it's easier than cooking. My poor digestive track is not happy with this (or perhaps it's the antibiotics?) I've lost about six pounds and seem to be maintaining there, so that's something. Hell, if I had the energy right now to get on the exercise bike for ten minutes I might start losing it again...but energy is something I am in short supply of these days, and   I try to conserve it for things like "having to go to work" and "chasing after the baby who just learned to crawl" and "Oh my GOD, how does one infant create so much LAUNDRY?"

 

If you get this, well done. If you don't- sorry.

 

I *could* be napping right now. I probably should be. But I have a work related meeting at Starbucks at nine, so I'd best be getting dressed.

 

Can you sleep in the shower?



Parenthood

So...I'm a mom. A foster mom. And I've been a mom for less than a week.

What the hell am I doing???

Don't get me wrong- Baby is adorable. And he's a good baby- rarely cries, is happy a lot. And so far I think I'm handing the feeding-diapering- being spit up on thing okay. But the honest truth is that I'm not sure I have the wherewithal to do this for the rest of my life at this rate. I'm completely overextended. And I know, I know, everyone is telling me it's rewarding and I'll get used to it and everyone feels overwhelmed at first...but I don't think that's really my issue.

Bandit has been getting sicker the past few weeks- lots of whining, trouble walking, and on even more meds than me. My husband has had a migraine since the day Baby came into our lives and even though he's the rock I'm leaning against he feels like he's not doing enough. Shiva and Rosabel are both visibly needier and have changed some of their behaviors. I've missed almost a week of work and we've been trying to get daycare and pediatrician visits and birth parent visits scheduled in a week. And if I've eaten 1000 calories a day since last Monday I'll be surprised. And maybe it's that way for everyone when a new baby comes into their life.

But I'm a diabetic, and right now I'm last on the care scale. Baby, husband, dogs, work, me. And I know I'm not going to be able to keep this up because I'm tired, and my blood sugars have been low, and I'm losing weight (yay!) but in a bad way (boo!) I honestly don't know what I'd do without my husband and my mom. Single mothers? You're ranked above the police and fire fighters in my hero book right now.

Aaaand, Baby has been awake for this whole thing, but has been really good while I've been freaking out about the dog (who is going to the vet) and sitting here looking like a snotty, sobby mess. So it's time to go and probably change him, probably feed him, and maybe we'll read a book. Star Wars ABC is around here someplace.

Getting back on the wagon....yee haw

I had to reinstate all of my auto-reorders for pump supplies because Medtronic cancelled them without notice, probably because I had an enormous bill I was trying to figure out with my insurance. At least, this is what I am assuming, because why else would I not have gotten blood testing strips or pump supplies since MARCH?

I know what you're thinking. "Didn't you notice you weren't getting pump supplies for over six months?" Yes, I did, but I thought that once the overpriced bill I had was taken care of that Medtronic would reinstate my services, because after all they are in the business of keeping people alive. Dead people don't buy medical supplies.

Yeah, yeah.

I am a smart cookie, at least, and I stock up on supplies for everything- extra insulin, extra blood testing strips, extra pump supplies- so it hasn't been an issue that I haven't gotten supplies for months, but the lack of communication on this from Medtronic disgusts me. I'm going to try and let it go, though, because harboring anger at a corporation only hurts me, as it is clear Medtronic has no human feelings or consideration at all for my well being. We shall see if the items I placed on "auto order" automatically order or not. I'm not holding my breath.

I also haven't been using my sensor for a couple days, mostly because I've burned through two of them in the last week and they are too expensive for me to have a surplus. I can barely get them paid for as it is, so stocking up is unlikely, especially considering Medtronic claims they last six days and the insurance will only pay for a certain number of them over a certain period of time based on that erroneous claim. Of the five sensors in a $450 box, three will last six days, the other two may make it three or four, and often at least one of those goes belly up after just one. If the sensor bends the wrong way when I insert it there isn't much I can do to make it work correctly, so I make do. Being a diabetic is expensive.

100 flimsy stickers to go over my sensor...$65.49 Wha?

I need to be exercising and eating better, and I'm finding that eating better is a lot easier than exercising. I like fruit, and I like veggies, and I don't mind packing my TARDIS lunch box full of them. The hard part is the exercise, and it always has been with me. I'm not athletically inclined. In fact, I trip over my own feet. Often. Daily. At the most inappropriate times, too. I don't trip on stairs, I trip on flat surfaces. I turn my ankle turning corners. I am a klutz.

However...with the weather being nicer and us maybe becoming foster parents in the near future, I'm thinking I should at least try to be a little more active. I think my problem is I try to make 30 minutes of exercise a day a habit right from the start. I'm sorry, but I'm lazy. I admit it. And while 30 minutes of exercise a day is what I will ideally be doing this time next year, I need to start off smaller. Like, maybe ten minutes on the exercise bike while watching Rewrapped or Match Game. Or maybe just getting in ten sit-ups and some crunches. Or something. Anything. Just not 30 minutes of hard core exercise right off the bat.

Now...I cleaned house this morning and broke a sweat doing it, so I'm counting that as ten minutes of exercise (even though I spent at least 40 minutes starting laundry, doing dishes, and making sure the kitchen and bathroom were clean). Bonus is that the house looks great, too.

How YOU Doin'?

Well, it's been a busy month...let me tell you what's been going on.

 

Since our last meeting, I've given in and set up  a payment plan on the pump, because frankly I need my supplies and they had stopped sending them due to an overwhelming balance on my account. I know I would usually rant about this, but I'm tired of it. I'm just over the whole damn thing. I need my pump, I need my supplies, I'm over a barrel if I don't get them, end of story. Whether it's Medtronic that screwed up with communication or my insurance that screwed up with paying or me who screwed up because I didn't do a thorough job of double-checking everyone else's work is neither here nor there.

 

Also, I noticed that hardly anyone read the last blog I did, probably because I didn't post it on Twitter or Facebook or anything, so here's a link in case you're interested: Read Me. Note- there are Muppet Babies.

 

We're coming up on September 15th...for those of you who don't know what that means, it's an anniversary for me. The day I was diagnosed with diabetes REDACTED years ago. Some years it comes and goes and I don't pay attention to it, but more and more I'm seeing that I kind of focus on it. Another year, no cure. Am I bitter? (If you have to ask you're not a regular reader of this blog.)  I'm not, actually. I'm resigned, which might be even sadder. 

 

 

Honestly, at this point I wouldn't even know how to NOT be a diabetic, so what would be the point?

 

What else has been going on? Bandit has been sick, testing my patience and my skills as a future parent. Thank goodness for my husband, who keeps coming to the rescue when I feel like I can't take the whining one second longer. It doesn't help that the dog is 50+ pounds and needs assistance getting up and down off of the bed...usually on my side. Or that the meds he's been on have been making him gassy and uncomfortable. He's getting better though, so that's a good thing.

 

We're also looking at getting a new car, because getting a child in and out of the back of a Camaro is not going to be a back friendly endeavor. We had to take my car in to get some work done on it before we can trade it in, though. Someone dropped what we think might be a ladder on the roof and dented the heck out  of it earlier this summer, and that sort of thing decreases the value of a trade in. Otherwise that thing is in primo shape- I've been trying to take *really* good care of it because that's what you should do when you have a cool sports car, even if you don't like it because you keep hitting your head on the ceiling whenever you go over a bump.

 

I'd still like to stick with black even though we live in the desert and it gets crazy hot...I'm thinking this will be big enough, and I even like the detailing:

 

Sure, it's seen some action, but the previous owner swears it's tough enough to handle anything.

 

 



Math

I'm not a big fan of math, unless it's addition into my bank account. But I've been doing the math and I've come to the conclusion there aren't enough hours in the day for me to live a normal life and take care of my diabetes the way I know I should.

                             Hours in the day                    = a negative number...
                 What I need to get done in them

First off all, let's look at the taking care of myself thing. There's the whole "low carbs" thing I'd been trying...That stopped almost as soon as it started. I was crazy to think I could do that. I do think I'm eating better though. I know I'm eating more yogurt, and fruit, and vegetables, and I am trying to lay off the heavy carbs at night. I'm not always successful, and if there is pizza to be had you can be sure that I don't even bother. I've also been trying to exercise more. My blood sugars are always better when I do that. This is all good news, but none of it is habit yet. When I can say that I've been doing all of this for a month together, then I'll be more apt to celebrate...but let's look at the numbers, because I think they show why I haven't formed any good habits yet.

I try to exercise at least 20-30 minutes five days a week. Okay, fine, three to four, max. But still, that's better than I've been doing.

I usually work five days a week, which takes up 10 hours of my day (30 minute commute each way, 8 hour work day, 1 hour lunch in there somewhere).

Where I spend most of my waking hours...at least it looks cool.

Add in the 8 hours I get for sleeping (sadly, it's usually more like 6 when you take into account the tossing and turning and pump beeping, but I'm still trying for 8) and that means 18 hours of my day are already accounted for. 30 minutes of exercise shouldn't be that bad, right?

Well...we're forgetting some things.

There's the 1 hour a day I spend getting ready to go to work, scarfing down some breakfast, and making sure I pack myself a lunch. If my night was particularly bad, that hour includes my 30 minutes of exercise, and if my night was really terrible or I wake up low, then the exercise is replaced with health maintenance.

By the time I get home my husband has usually started dinner, but sometimes I make dinner (a rare occurrence) or I at least get home in time to help. I am also trying to be better about cleaning up afterwards, so that's 20-30 minutes of clean up and maybe 30 minutes of cooking. Usually I get home only 10-15 minutes before dinner is ready because I get off of work an hour and a half after my husband, plus my 30 minute commute, so he's a hungry guy by the time I drag my tired ass through the door. Let's say all this takes an hour and a half.

How much of my day has been spent already? 19.5 hours, and 19.5 from 24 is 4.5 hours. I should have plenty of time for more exercise. Wait...did I include eating dinner? Better make that 4 hours left over. Still plenty of time.

Only I haven't had time to decompress yet. And at least once or twice a week I'm working on laundry. And my dogs need fed. And by the time dinner is over and cleaned up on an early night (because sometimes I work 'til 7 or 8) it's almost 8pm, and if I exercise then I'll be up for hours because of adrenaline (I know this from experience.) And really, a few minutes of conversation during a 24 hour period is enough for you and your spouse to connect, then call me co-dependent and clingy because I need more than that. A lot more. The house doesn't clean itself, either. And I feel like I'm always spending at least an hour a week paying bills, though it's likely less than that.

It should take longer to spend a paycheck than it does.

Still lots of time, right? Well...my husband and I are working on becoming foster parents, and once we have a placement we'll be adding going to the doctor with the kid, going to court with the kid, going to birth parent visits with the kid, going to meetings about  the kid and taking care of the kid to the mix. And while much of that is going to require me to take time off because of work, or happen on the weekend, a lot of it is going to eat up what little free time my husband and I have, because we want a younger child and I've heard they can't really feed or clothe themselves until they're at least five or something. Most of my experience with babies has been pretty limited, but they seem to be able to take care of things on their own pretty early...

Books always tell the truth, right?

I know what I need to do is get up earlier and get in my workout so that I'm not adding an additional thing to my poor sleep cycle, especially since I tend to go low in the mornings and will need to deal with that before I can exercise...only, let's be real, there is definitely a problem with getting up before 7 am. At least there is for me. I am just not a morning person. I can't concentrate or focus, and the earlier I get up, the harder it is for me to eat breakfast.

I know I'm making excuses, but unless I have a staff of five working seven days a week four hours a day with me there's little chance of me getting into the kind of shape I wish I was in, so I guess I need to set myself a goal and just work at getting to it, and if I don't look like a Victoria's Secret model a year from now that's okay. As long as I'm healthy, that counts as a big win.

I miss this show.