The Glad Game...not something usually played at the Pity Party

Do you remember the old Disney movie "Pollyana" that starred Haley Mills? When I was a kid I loved that movie. I've never read the book, but I had the movie on tape and I watched it over and over, almost to the point I had it memorized. In it Pollyana played this thing called "the glad game" where she'd try to think of things that made her glad when her life was not going so well. I've been playing it in my head the past few days...and I keep losing.

When regular fail just isn't good enough

 

Yes, my foot has an injury that is making it hard for me to get around. I am rubbish on crutches. I can barely walk with them, let alone carry anything, work, take a shower, help with dinner, or do pretty much anything except drive. I ache all over because I have zero upper body strength and there are muscles being using right now that I am pretty sure have never been used before in my life. My blood sugars have been *mostly* okay though all of this, though the fact that I can't do any exercise (other than moving from one room to another, which makes me break a sweat) is taking its toll. And if I don't blow out my right knee before this is over it will be a miracle.

 

Oh, and I missed this on Saturday:

 

I got the Maroon 5 tickets in November. The seats weren't this good, but still.

 

This is the pity party talking, though. I have more than enough good things and wonderful things in  my life to make up for this temporary inconvenience. I do. And I can list them until I'm blue in the face. I have an amazing husband that is taking care of me. I have a pack of dogs that love me. I have a job I love, friends that are there for me, staff that are willing to pick up some extra work because I can't do it. I can still drive myself around. I am getting exercise every time I pick up those crutches. I have the time to take off of work and heal. I missed Maroon 5 but I'm not missing New Kids on the Block. Rob Paulsen liked a Facebook post I tagged him in, which is epically cool. And the most obvious, this is only temporary...

 

So why am I still depressed and cranky?

 

Because this is how I feel emotionally

 

I am listening to positive music. I am reading positive books (and since I read mostly Young Adult literature that's a hard thing to do because apparently all that teens want to read these days is depressing dystopian garbage.) I am forcing myself to think happy thoughts, and maybe that's my problem. I am forcing myself to be happy when I'm really not. How can I be happy? I'm the one who tries to take care of things and now I'm a burden on everyone I love and I can't even get myself a drink unless it's in a sippy cup...

 

Granted, my version of a sippy cup is AWESOME

 

I think I just haven't given myself time to wallow in a little self pity so I can pick myself up and deal with it. I keep thinking to myself "I can handle this" and I know I can, because what choice do I have, really? Even when I stayed home from work the day after I tore my plantar fascia I was like, "Oh, well. Missing a concert I didn't really want to go to anyway." (Lie. Just a flat out lie.) "Oh, well. Gonna have to use some sick leave. No biggie." (Lie. I am surely going to miss out on bonus days now and I don't feel sick at all.) "Oh, well. I can stay home and write." (Lie. I haven't been able to write anything outside of a blog and that's one of the most frustrating things ever.) I keep saying I'm fine to everyone including myself but I'm not and I won't let myself realize it. Well, until now.

 

 

Better of Ted, 2009-2010

Gone but not forgotten...